Hail to The King

These last few days of two thousand eleven, to be honest, do open my eyes. On tiny little details that I’ve forgotten cause I am too busy wondering on things that’s not mine. Not literally ‘things', but the ‘thing' that you think you deserved it, which only an illusion-candy.

Whatever it is, I hope these last few days, remain carved in my heart and for me not to forget. To him, thank you, because of you, struggled, not to own me, but to make sure I am not alone, even I think I never feel one.

No Mountain High Enough

Let everything happen to you

Beauty and terror

Just keep going

No feeling is final

Back to December

Saturday's morning is always the refreshing day for me. Always wake up as a new person. Perhaps it is the end of the hectic day and one day before the real day starts. Watching Taylor Swift's music video at 8am was very weird way to start the day. Guess Taylor Swift eyes is so magnetizing. The most weirdest is how hardworking I am, to boil lemongrass and apply it on my hair. Konon berangan nak rambut berkilat macam Ella. Lol ��

And this Mrs Pitt face was my breakfast this morning and I am watching Final Destination right now.
What were I thinking?

And look at her soles while she's still sleeping on my bed! Who knows when I can snap this moment again , when everbody's getting married later in life.

Awww my sister ;)

Better to kiss with a mask

I feel like I am floating through the standing people in the bus,

all the way to the tail of the bus.

The pace of the tree outside the window, passing the familiar building seems like a flash.

And i am counting the number of times the wiper moves left and right, wiping the water away.

It reminds me of the movie 'Flash of Genius' and how the whole invention of wiper started. But the best of all, i finally done with my ethicsapplication for my research and now I am laying on my bed beside my audrey hepburn poster :)

Missing the snow covered pavement and roof in State College and no holiday for Christmas :D

Happy holiday Malaysia

More Than That

And happy comes to those who appreciate what she has and be thankful. Yes, I know. Everybody has been saying that few times. Yet, it is so hard when people are being so judgmental and we want what everybody has.

And the worst is, we might not get what we want and sacrifice our happiness to only one aim that we failed to grasp,

And we lost the key to life

Drowning

I think Malaysia is building too much building

Old bulding is not renovated anymore, it is been replaced by totally whole new building

Money’s been spent for the sake of getting the outside prettier for the eyes

Shopping complex for the Coach, Ed Hardy, Guess whatever are placed in the middle of KL

Where people like me just passed by.

I would prefer more art centre like Central Market, where all the beautifully handmade handbags, shoes, shirt that produced locally been placed in the middle of KL.

Where people can show their talent and make money for living.

Rather giving the chance to the already established/overseas companies to make more money.

And leaving the locals selling stuff in pasar malam or Uptown Danau Kota.

Bone Broke

My blog needs an update, definitely. So far, December has been treating me well, except here and there. So much to get laid down before the real work started. I went to a meeting with bunch of established scientists including the one from University of Bristol, and the deputy dean introduced me as the youngest scientist. Oh my, I feel cute.

lol

Light Up The Room

I just got back from Lanchang, Pahang. The routine for every AidilAdha. Just simply start the engine, and drove through Karak and reach my uncle’s farm was the journey to the nature, which I loved it. The air filled with the mixture of cow’s dunk, fruit and the love of course. He had 12 kids, the chatters and laughter vibrated the house. Somehow, it gave me some kind of force to move forward and filled in the gap in my life. In fact,

Do you light a room, by walking into it or walking out of it?

Simple, yet Amazing

I remember. Somewhere at the point of my life, I want to be an architect. And it is not too late, since my father at the age of 65, still design our house from scratch, and the result is amazing.

And this is amazing too: see through church.

I Like Him

Neither Heavy nor Light, Just Being Together

Just stumbled upon this beautiful poem, my heart beats for this one, by Ash L Bennet

I don't remember, any more,

The exact shape of your hands

As I held them in mine,

Caressed them,

Memorized the length of your fingers,

The depth of your calluses.

I don't remember, any more,
Exactly your height, how much
Taller than me
You were, where
My head rested on your chest
When you held me tightly close.

I don't remember, any more,
Your scent, when we lay together
Creating our own
Magic rhythm,
Matching our heartbeats as we
Touched the sky, together.

I don't remember, any more,
The sound of your voice, calling
My name as though
It were a song
Within itself, a precious treasure
You valued with all your being.

And I don't remember, any more,
The color of your eyes, the shape
Of your lips,
Only...
How your eyes crinkled at the corners
And your laugh, as you told me,

"I love you."

To be One

I would prefer a friendship, over relationship, cause in this ship, nobody cares to be one,

we can be two, three, four. Cherish each others feeling and go with it

Nothing to conquer and be conquered of

So we can walk together, holding hand and let it go when the time comes

;)

Good News, Always

Its been a long time. The laptop is fixed. I could use a little good news then. It is always been a good news, cause this macbook is the token for my hardship burning the midnight oil

and also the piece of medal that’ve been through my three years in United States, the medal of survival, for me to myself.

Good morning earthlings, and of course, TGIF

:)

Missing Kisses

These past three weeks, I feel like zombies. One of the early birds, and I slept early like a baby when I kiss home. Weekend is not as it sounds; not until Eid done. I have been missing some kisses on the screen, but I think about him all the time.

Life is Not A Plastic Cup

LoveAll

It is not a lack of love, but lack of friendship that makes unhappy marriage. Not that I am married, but I just simply believe in this.

The Voice is Telling You Everything

His voice tell you something, it is the denial within yourself keeping you away from the truth but somehow you like it that way, not that you like it, but somehow you want to keep it moving, to make it linger longer, to rely on time to heal everything.

Hence I need the strength to never stop believing in time.

Rainbow River

I have no idea why lately I am becoming a fan with the word ‘rainbow’. And look what I’ve found in one of the ten amazing views from airplanes.

Selangor River, Malaysia ! :D

Kiddo

The eyes of others are our prison; their thoughts are our cage.

Juggling Before Monday

Monday is coming. Time feels running so fast when more samples coming up to be done and watching streaming Pretty Little Liars during break. Thank God for the smooth Jaring wireless in PPUM

Today Qalesha reach 2 years old and had her first bicycle ride and how tiny she was, make me wants to squeeze her more. I hardly remember mine but I do remember when 21 years was old. And now, I am the youngest tiny researcher juggling awkwardly with all the stereo microscope and grinding machine.

I feel funny. I think I look funny

Nah, it is because I am still learning

Charlie Chaplins of Your Beautifuls

Sometimes I wonder why people look up on those who drive Ferrari with Dad’s money; perhaps how lucky they are.

How about people who look up on gorgeous Hollywood star with breast implant and botox everywhere? Perhaps people just love beautiful things. Sure they are.

How about a teenage girl who has missing front tooth but can still beautifully smiling to you?

How about a poor 17 years old girl who work 12 hours standing in factory, and never stop wishing they could further study?

They are the one that we should look up,

Because they still have the guts to carve their step everyday, with their faith on, when nobody else could.

Lovecraft

I am thankful for..

…..the mess to clean up after dinner/lunch

because it means I have been surrounded by family who still dine together

…..the phone bill I pay

because it means that I have friends/family to call

……the jeans that fit a little too snug

because it means I have enough to eat

…...my freckles on my face

because it means I have been kissed by the sun

…….the spot I find at the far end of the parking lot

because it means I’m capable of walking

……all the complaining I hear about government

because it means we have freedom of speech

……annoying skype call in a middle of sleep

because it means I still have somebody who far in distance, but always remember me

…..windows/floor that need cleaning

because it means I have home

…..the annoying alarm that goes off in early morning hours

because it means that I am alive

It Was As Though Rainbow Had Melted into My Eyes

When everybody else on the wheel giving the stranger’s look

When everybody else on the wheel with the fierce face looking straight on the road

Trying to avoid the traffic as though they could escape the road somehow

Me looking from slightly above them, observing each one driving a car; each one in one car

Very rich Malaysian

From inside the bus, I could see many colors; colors of people like a rainbow

Everyone with their own space; space of mind even though it looks there was no space in the bus

Me too. With my own space, holding my “The Bronze Horseman” like hugging my loved ones

which sometimes I left it at home cause it was so heavy to carry

I felt bad sometimes, as though I left my loved ones home

But as long as I carry him inside my heart; the rest of the day will just fall into places

By the way, I have my favorite wall in my room; as the one I imagined, in fact better. Because of this wall, I commute to my work 90 minutes and home another 90 minutes by bus!

By the way, I’m so happy to get this jersey all the way from my Alexander in Sydney, and I little bit jakun on this milo dinosaur ;D

Have a good Ramadhan everyone !

I Think We All Need Something Like This

Yes, makan pisang goreng petang-petang on this, everyday after work ;)

Biarkan Bertatih

Don’t Mind the Silence

It is a damn dream when you can find someone that you can do nothing with.

That is fucking love

Wait & Shop

I would loooooove to change from waiting to shopping ! hihi

Aren’t you?

I, Forgot to Live

First, I was dying to finish high school and start college

And then I was dying to finish college and start working

Then I was dying to marry and have children

And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough

so I could go back to work

But then I was dying to retire

And now I am dying

And suddenly I realized

I forgot to live

Our Little Fighter

Someday I would like to say this:

"Bashira’s got nothing but to love her little mini-me!"

heee. insyAllah :)

For A World Way Too Much, Too Fast

This is love

Brain is Extraordinary

I came across on the article "Birth Control Pill Affects Women Taste in Men”.On the surface, it all lies within scent of a man. Who knows that the gene that responsible for immune system response (MHC gene) also lies within the scent of a man?

In order to make the offspring a survivor (in a way to robust the immune system) , female through evolution, tend pick a guy who has dissimilar MHC gene, which in other means, that women paired with dissimilar MHC gene man, tend to have more stable relationship.

And they found out on this through birth control pills, that cause us to stop ovulating by fooling the body that it is pregnant. When the hormonal changes occur bla bla bla, it causes the female tend to wrongly choose men with similar MHC gene and destroy the relationship. When stop taking the pills, means body knows that she’s not pregnant, then they tend to pick men with dissimilar MHC genes ( for a high chance to produce a good immune system kids)

Muahahahaha. Who knows we have to check our bf’s MHC genes in order for a good match.

I just want to share this cause I actually think this is funny. And if it is not, it probably cause I am a nerd

By the way, it is amazing how people can think this creative and how concept of evolution, relationship and science can be built under the same roof.

Here’s something on evolution:

Cheers!

Another Dream

Can I pretend that airplanes in the night sky are the shooting stars?

I could really use a wish right now

Lets Elope + Sings to Me

I find him very, hmm sexy

He's Caleb from Pretty Little Liar in case you're wondering

Some people can really make your eyes glued on them, without even trying.

Biarlah Hujan Batu di Negara Sendiri

I went to the lab where I am gonna work on my research, it looks more like a storeroom for a world class research.

Dr Chan said:

“Don’t expect the lab to be all dolled up with all the safety protocol and having an ID card to access the door, we do not even have the fire drill, we are still in the 3rd world country”

I am proud to say; that is my country. Store-room lab doesn’t mean you can abandon your country and work oversea, just to work in a sophisticated lab in a short cut way.

If not you, who else you expect to work in your own country?

TomorrowLand

Money, chances and decision is one of the hardest

But earning other people’s trust is the sweetest thing

That who knows, can path the road to the tomorrow land

Even how impossible it sounds

:)

Yaeho!

I can’t believe my freckles are GONE

Unbelievable

Big thanks to my mother

At Twenty Three

At twenty-three, my father earn his own money from being a driver and go to England randomly wandering around to find 2 hours laundry machine (to open his own laundry business) alone. He saw people lining up in a restaurant in England and get to know it is McDonald. He told his friend, his friend told his other friend who now become the owner of Malaysia McD franchise .He struggled to become the supplier of ‘malay’ grocery in Hilton Hotel after been chased out thrice.

But the cutest of all, when he became the Dunhill agent, he lost money and he wrote a complaint letter to Dunhill company in England saying Dunhill cigarette doesn’t taste good on Malay tongue. The Dunhill company search for him.

That’s him. He earn his ‘Dato’ from his craziness chasing his dream. Just crazy. He is no PhD, no degree, and not even SPM, just went for school until standard 3. He is now 65years old.

And now I am 23 years old. I have a degree. I have no money I’ve earned and I went to United States for study using other people’s money.

I feel dumb

I’m as Normal as Blueberry Pie.

Old memories unleashed, not a good one ,unfortunately. Scar is deepening and perhaps it started to bleed.

And now I think everyone should carve a smile like 'the joker’,

Or maybe it just be me

STARTAGAIN

I feel everyone laying eyes on me. Somehow I prefer the ignorant in United States. Or should I just be one of them; the ignorant?

Yes, I would love to start again

Under The Milky Way Tonight

I have been missing him having breakfast and I’m having my dinner across the world. Somehow, I am used to the 24 hours time difference. In fact I love it, I don’t mind waiting at all. Cause I believe he will be there, even he is not there at that moment, I know he wants to be there with me.

And I believe in him without fail ;)

Dare to Fly My Heart

Dekat US tgk Nora Elena non-stop. Balik Malaysia tak heran da. So many things way better than nora elena, okay no, Seth Tan. Suddenly tertekan TV3, cant believe I’m watching Nora Elena live today even though only last 10 minutes. Oh yes, Seth Tan never fail to make my day sweeter in the end of the day. He is so paranoid with Nora Elena safety, sanggup nk hantar nora pergi and balik kerja, no more Pak Ali; he wants to become her driver and bodyguard. Then Nora Elena said that he is managing director, neither bodyguard nor driver. Then he said,

I am your husband, my responsibility.

Thats definitely the sweetest thing

Thats definitely a fairy tale

Heart Skip Not Only A Beat

Somehow, somewhere it is true. Heart is so tired of denying. In the end, I know I have to be strong

to accept

Nothing Sweet About Me

Friends come and go, clothing is packed and unpacked and as the result not much sticks.

Broken Lullabies

When so many things need to be defined, to be listed

1st,

2nd,

3rd

and the list goes on,

that is when life happens. Right at that moment.

Lame is Love

Love is overrated

cause human is so afraid to face the truth of hurt.

Love is overrated

cause nobody understand what love is

Love is overrated

cause that is the only way to make people falling in love, again and again.

Just A Thought

Dialogue from malay movie ‘Kashaf Imani’ captured me

Imani : Hari-hari Kashaf cakap die sayang makcik. Syurga dia di bawah tapak kaki makcik

Mak Kashaf : Terima kasih nak, kerana sudi meletakkan syurga kau di bawah tapak kaki ibu.

This is my first time, I thought of this, what his mum said. I always thought “Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu” means everything we do, mother is the priority.This dialogue makes me realize the other side of this common quote. “Syurga di bawah tapak kaki ibu” should be built from both sides, not only for son to obey but for a mother to apperciate

:)

Just Me and Me

It’s okay if no one believes like you, all experiences unique, no one has the same synapses, can’t think like you, for this be relived, keeps things interesting, life’s magic things in reach, and it doesn’t mean you aren’t connected, and the community is not present, just take the perspective you get from being one person in one head and feel the effects of it.

Take silence and respect it.

Cause if you’re happy in your head, then solitude is blessed, and alone is okay.

-Tanya Davis

Kiss of Sunshine

The sunshine that inspired me,

The sunshine that never fails to wake me up for Subuh

by kissing and hug me gently,

But it slips my mind, I still hardly to wake up.

But she is still there, staying on the bed

The sunshine that makes me laugh a lot,

How can she be so hilarious and strict at a time?

How can she be so 'balanced'?

With the beauty, the humble, the craziness and the calmness

That's amazed me

Like a sunshine, she is always there

up above, so far away

yet can shine, kissing you down under

with the kiss of a sunshine,

kiss of a mother.

I cant wait to hug you, within twenty-four days

it is there, it is invisible

Tahu je tak penting, yang penting hargai

Anything Can Happen

How did things changed in a matter of second?

She opened her eyes and blinked. One second. She blinked again. Another second

Seconds ago, she was sleeping,

Seconds ago, Molotov spoke,

Seconds ago she was exhilarated,

Seconds ago Papa spoke,

And now her brother was leaving. Blink, blink, blink

This was taken from novel that I started to read (yes, during final week :p) ,

The Bronze Horseman , a story during German attack on Soviet Union.

Anything can happen in life, what’s more during war.

Much crueller :’(

Don’t Want Miss The Sunshine

Cause feeling is so complicated like all the million sypnases in our brain. No matter how the scientist trying to define them, how twisted it becomes in our brain, somehow the axon always find the right way to the target. What is the signal? What is the pathway?

The axon never follow the trend, it varies, it is unpredictable, it is complicated

So does the feeling

I may be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose

I may be holding your hand but I'm holding it loose,

So that you can dream as far as the star can reach,

But you heart stay with me,

Stay below the star,

So you will never forget,

Of who you are

Happy Friday, Happy Birthday :)

Dear 22.04.11,

Again, you make me open my eyes not to the being old part, but in much simpler way that sometimes always been forgotten because of me, being too comfortable

Alhamdulilah for His bless and mercy

and for this one day, that He open my eyes

for me to stay alive, and dreaming :’)

My Darling Curse

I just remember,

I did shove you away few times,

but you

never get bored looking at my exhausted face

sometimes my angry face,

sometimes for only 5 minutes, the rest of 8 hours me sleeping

and when I wake up the next morning,

you still there, on the screen

For The First Time

She’s annoying. She’s childish. She’s spoiled. She always steal my purse, my shirt, my pants, my lipgloss, my handbags, my earings, my necklace, my watch, my bracelet, my food, my shades, my jackets, my ruler, my pencil and etc. I did steal hers too. In fact A LOT :D She never do the dishes , laundry, sweeping, or help mom cooking bla bla. We do pull each other hair, shouting at each other a lot and cry while face to face sleeping in bed. Amazing. She nags a lot too. nasib baik sayang.

As we grow older, we grow apart. When I am having my dinner, you are just going to school. When I am having my breakfast, you are having your dinner. Sigh. I apologized for not being there when you first time fall in love, or crying your heart loud for stupid boyfriend or your friends being backstabber. I am not there.

I cant wait to go home. To do all of the above for the first time again. Happy 20th Birthday Sapura. May all your dream come true. I love you more and more everyday cause you are just simply uniquely perfect to be my annoying youngest sister :D

When The Time Flies

I have to let this out. When my ipod played “These Streets” by Paolo Nutrini and followed by “For The First Time” by The Script, I found myself stuck between two countries, Aussie & US. It is like I am in the middle of the two countries, where another half is in State College and another half is in Sydney. Because by the time these songs were played not long time ago, I was sitting on the rock, with my legs hanging, facing the sea, the moon and you. And now, when these songs were played, I was looking out of the window with trees still naked but thank god, the sun does shine brightly.

But there is no sea, there is no you and there are just wall and internet. Plain

I hate reminiscing past. It suffocates me. It makes my heart beating faster. It makes me wondering which one is more crueller? Time or me thinking the past. But I do prepare myself. I think I did. When I was in Sydney, I closed my eyes and tell myself that someday when you open your eyes again, you will be in US. Periosd. I tell you what, I do prepare but it will never work when the memories are so memorable.

I have to let this out. Time, I really hate you. Cause when you fly, you fly together with my good memories.

By the time I am jotting this down, I know one thing for sure. When I open my eyes for 454686th times ,I am back in Malaysia.

Hoping my heart can bear it all.

Just A Little Lovin’

This is the best feeling ever,

When you were busy browsing through all the dresses and pants

In a clothing department

Ignoring other girls laughing around with soda in the hand

Focusing on every hanger your fingers push side on the rack

Suddenly, there was a pregnant woman approached you by your side, tapped you by the shoulder and said:

“I want my baby to look like you”

This is surely awkward but I smiled to ear and said InsyaAllah :)

Thank God Is Friday

What is the real work then?

Real work is the priority. Priority is depend on time, not us. Cause if it depends on us, it will NEVER get done.

Note for the coming weekend :D

Are you Man Enough to Walk in Her Shoes?

This is very interesting. I found this very interesting. Tengoklah kaki bulu2 tu IN THE PINK HEELS. I don’t know why, but I found this very funny and yet very creative to send their message.

VERY VERY straightforward though.

By the way, most importantly, the respect toward women. Man out there, please be sensitive. Especially to Malay guy out there. Just a little sensitivity toward women. That’s all it takes.

*Bukannye bukak pintu utk sendiri keluar pastu slammed close on the women’s face, very insensitive kan?

And today, I found very weird piece of art. I stood there and stared blankly for quite some time. I can say……it does disturb me. See the hole in the big circle thing? There were a lot of red tiny balls inside the hole. -_-“

Sometimes, something is not necessarily to be defined, in order to be art. I get it now.

Rainbow & Unicorn

At this moment, when I captured this, I know exactly what I want for my wedding.

p/s : Makin lambatlah kau kahwin ye Bashira, kene kumpul duit berkepul-kepul dulu -_-"

I Think Too Much

Based on exponential probability models of time, probability of waiting 5 minutes for the bus is the same as probability of waiting another one hour. It is funny how people try so hard to predict the future, but at least statistician do learn well about life.

In much reality view, same goes to the how many time you will get your heart broken. Thinking statistically, probability you will get hurt twice, thrice and even infinity, will always be the same. Because they hold the property of memoryless in the model.

Same as we human, we forget and live

*Jotted when in the mood for both statistics and cancer development exams. my brain is already twisted enough.

Across the Border, I Love You

Deeply, I apologized,

We never had a birthday celebration together,

I never get a chance to give present to you by myself,

Only through “abg posmen”.

I apologized,

Cause we rarely met for a date,

Only twice a year, no, sometimes only once,

where we have to fly across the border.

Getting sick of the plane,

Just for the sake of seeing your face in reality.

Truly,I apologized,

Our time difference is sucks,

Sometimes we getting confused on what day we need to wish,

Your today or my today ?

But today for your birthday

I choose your today.

I apologized,

Sometimes internet connection play a big f-king time,

We even have to waste all the candles in the box,

While waiting for your Skype video to appear again,

To celebrate your birthday.

Deeply, I apologized again,

When you have to stay awake until 5 in the morning,

Waiting for me to wake up,

When you have class at 9am on the next day,

Yet, you keep waiting.

I apologized,

When we have to fight

For the stucked video and pending Skype message,

and for the phone call that never clear,

but at least saying “Hello"

and "I love you” sounded very clear to me.

Happy 22nd Birthday Raja Azraff,

From your girlfriend across the border

I love you

p/s : Sloppy, sloppy kisses from me :-*

Just The Way You Are

Can you tell a lie when you speak the truth?

Are you in love with someone who never existed?

Do you miss the things you never knew?

Let the answer always be no.

Because happiness is next to you. Look around. Don’t search forever

Because we don’t have forever.

On the Sleepless Road

School has started, so does the sleepless night

Just a random thought while walking home.

When you feel give up and perhaps it shouldn’t meant to be,

because if it does,

it shouldn’t be this damn hard.

Close your eyes,

and think again why you hold on to it this far, at the first place.

:'-)

God bless the daylight, the Sugary Smell of Springtime

Life still look beautiful through the window of mine,

With the snow still showering in the month of March, weird.

What else will be unexpected?

I miss home

and yes, spring break has come to the end.

Time for class.