I love the little things in Youtube video that made your eyes watery and the way it made you thinking about it all the night, about choices, my guilt and Charles Manson. Really sayang? Thats so romantic of you to tell me about that on NYE, and and how you can still talk about it for millionth times on the phone, when my eyes were seconds to shut. And how you can shut it off, change to new topic and started to laugh about, with my eyes still stick on you. And how you mumble about me being restless on new year which it just enough to make me stay on the screen, half listening, not for the words, but for the voice, and again the words :*
Monday, December 31
I have to type this down in the midst of fireworks welcoming two thousand thirteen. I have to stop and breath. It feels like my life hit the pause button somewhere in the middle of April to October, and hit play at the end of two thousand twelve. Because I started to feel again. One Republic was right. I have been too ignorant of my feeling cause I am just too scared to feel. Dumb. In the end I broke people’s heart. I don’t feel good at all. Time to get my loved ones on top of the list, cause I just couldn’t put everyone on the top. Not everyone deserved me. Period. My best friends are on a mission to teach me how to feel and become a woman, and think like a woman. Crap, I think lika a man? but I still love them.
Anyway, I feel blessed. While you are being ignorant at some point, there is a few people lining up who cares so much about you. Time to give back some love. And foremost is, I feel there is something that I lost in two thousand twelve and I found it now when
midnight strikes. I found Safwan
It is my own self
Wednesday, December 26
Monday, December 24
As I am writing this, Stuck On A Feeling by Jackson Water vibrating through my ear. It is not about the song, it is about the guy that made me feel this way. How we could we tell each other the same stories about how we met, in a different version every time, and yet never fail to make it sound it was for the first time. The funny part is we could always twisting it up, to make it more concise and clearer just to make it more understandable by heart
The truth is, the feeling is indescribable and your smile is the answer. I feel I want to record every words you said in my entire life cause it has been my silence for the past few years, it is the word that I could not find but never stop searching .And if this doesn’t work out, who’s gonna say all the words on my behalf?
Sunday, December 16
My mind doesn’t rest at all. Memories, flashback and old photos have been so cruel to me and my heart keep changing like how day change to night and vice versa. I did stupid things which I wish I didn’t do it at the first place. Emails and tons of messages since four years ago eat me up like little monster.It is really weird how you could say it is written by yourself and yet you don’t believe any alphabet there. But no matter how different it sounds years back, somehow the feeling buried inside, still there.
Time to let it out.
Friday, December 14
Today is the mid of December, another halfway to 2013. Countless days finally been counted to the new page of year. Changes has been made here and there. Some are good, some are bad. All I can say is the faith still the same. I believe in the power of if you are not doing anything to change the world, that you should be doing something else. Comparison is still thief of joy, so don’t worry. I know my 24 is going to end soon, very soon. I wanna indulge myself in God, books and family. Words is still the superpower.
Sometimes, we question the things we know. I do that all the times, I can’t accept things that I can’t digest, things I left without being understandable will poisoned me sooner or later. That is why I am destined to be a scientist. And I am wondering why I am blogging, when I was analyzing the techniques of tissue engineering. Distraction. Oh yes, I am going out with him in a few hours, meeting the familiar faces again. I feel belong. And I was browsing my Pinterest, and saw the Christmas jello. Oh I love being random. Happy Saturday xx
Thursday, December 13
Monday, December 10
Sunday, December 9
Wreck-it-Ralph is the Inception version of character builder movie. Totally blew my mind. How is the director actually managed to tell people that nothing is more important in this world rather than being yourself,
in a mode of fantasy world of miniature in arcade games? Speechless.
December snowflakes, even when the sun is just few inches away from the top of my head. Damn my heart still left in America, where all the brain freeze, peer pressure, brain cramp for the every week exams and homesick, and not to forget the massive eating habits took place. And now I am a grow up girl,
but not yet a woman.