My life has been walking, dragging my foot, picking up every dust on the road my foot step on, and at the end it is gone, when getting washed. Of course nobody remember this, cause it is a routine.
Life’s been a routine, it is a mistake.
Being routinely to life, making me alzheimer.
Whenever I step on a weight scale, my brain autodrive to wondering how much I weighted back in states, it’s been a lot of times, yet I can never remember.
Reminiscing days, making me teary, perhaps of the lost memory that I can’t recall. March is been romantic. April was shit. May is full of decision making, and June?
Instagram has been my morning newspaper and seeing pictures and photos, making me daydreaming, detach me from the moment. I am so in love.
Can’t believe it is the truth, yet impressive. Last time I recall, I felt my eyes so wide, as if it has been teared open whenever my article is on screen and I felt my brain empty cause the words got stuck at my eyes. Cause it doesn’t get through. Like a bottleneck effect. But now, my eyes hunting for the words of reveal, full of suspense and thrill. Finally, God has answered my prayer.
I felt funny. About my novel Bronze Horseman, which I read it 5 months ago. The novel that I have been crying loud, giving my heart a scar, emotionally ‘I don’t want to read towards the end, cause it is too sad’ and I read it anyway cause I saw happy ending fan made youtube, still hoping it is gonna be a good ending even at the last two pages.Stupid
And I am reading a new novel, Winter Garden, about daughters struggling to get know her cold hearted mother through her fairy tale story telling, also telling about the Leningrad, Stalin, summer garden, Bronze Horseman. I guess I am stuck at that era. Never give up torturing my heart. Duh. Coincidence
I am suck at decision making, cause I hate choices. From Saga-Myvi-Ford Fiesta-Vios-Mazda. Dad, please give me choices like Mini Cooper or Golf. So I don’t have to choose anymore.
I am still a child.
Thank god, love isn’t a choice.
